The Liar's Club is the third episode of the second season of F Is for Family and the ninth episode, overall.
Frank promises to go down to the employment office so that he can find work. When he gets there, however, he is too embarrassed to stay and winds up going home instead. When he gets there he breaks down sobbing, which is witnessed by Kevin, who was skipping school that day. They argue back and forth over this fact, before Kevin breaks down crying over school being too hard, and not being able to do music, the only thing he likes, because of Bill invading his privacy. Frank decides to help him by turning the cellar into a bedroom for Kevin. The two are getting along until Sue gets home and Frank lies to her about where he'd been, after previously telling Kevin that "a real man never lies". Kevin is disappointed in him, which makes Frank miserable for losing his son's trust. And with no other options for work, he is forced to call the vending service.
Sue starts her job as a secretary, finding the sexist and overly-sexualized office environment overwhelming, and feels as though she is not being taken seriously. Sue is about to tell them off, when Vivian notices and swoops in to demonstrate how to talk to the men on their own level. She is apprehensive about this, but is warned she will lose her job if she doesn't play along.
Bill begins his paper route, which seems alright until he goes to get paid and finds out he is actually being used as a drug mule.
- Frank Murphy
- Sue Murphy
- Kevin Murphy
- Bill Murphy
- Maureen Murphy
- Vivian Saunders
- Tracy McGrath
- Jimmy Fitzsimmons
- Otto Holtenwasser
- Smokey's Son
- Colt Luger
- Phillip Bonfiglio
- Babe Bonfiglio
- Vic Reynolds
- Otto Holtenwasser
- Ern (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Abraham Lincoln (Pictured)
Kevin: Dad, are you crying?
Frank: (shocked) Ah! Jesus! (sternly) What the hell are you doing here?
Kevin: (sternly) What are *YOU* doing here?
Frank: It's my fucking house! Why aren't you at school?
Kevin: We got out early. We had a teacher's meeting.
Frank: It is 9:30 in the morning.
Kevin: Well, it's an all-day meeting.
Frank: (angry) Oh, bullshit! It's one fucking lie after another with you, isn't it? A real man doesn't lie!
Kevin: (angry) Well, how come *YOU'RE* not at the unemployment office?
Frank: Because I'M YOUR FATHER!
Kevin: (angrily) GOD, I HATE THIS *HOUSE*!!! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE AS SOON AS I TURN 16!
Frank: GOOD! Then give it to me in writing! If you're not able to spell your name, just trace your hand!
Kevin: I can't take this anymore! My ROOM sucks! I got no privacy! BILL ALWAYS WAKES ME UP TO DO HIS STUPID PAPER ROUTE! IT'S AFFECTED MY SCHOOL WORK!!!
Frank: Reading at a third grade level is affecting your school work, ya FUCKIN' DOPE!
Kevin: I HATE SCHOOL! I'M NOT GOOD AT IT! I ONLY LIKE PLAYING MY GUITAR! I'M TRYING TO WRITE HIT RECORDS SO I CAN SAVE THE FAMILYy, BUT HOW CAN I DO THAT WITH FUCKING BILL IN THE NEXT FUCKING BED?!?!
Frank: (calmly) Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jesus, Kevin. Don't have a stroke.
Kevin: I'M AN ARTIST AND I NEED ROOM TO BLOSSOM!!!!
Frank: Okay, okay. Relax. You know, I remember when I was your age, my dad...
Kevin: THIS ISN'T FUCKING ABOUT YOU!
Frank: You're right. I'm sorry. Okay, look, you don't have to go back to school today. We'll call it a sick day.
Kevin: (worried) Really?
Kevin: Thanks, Dad.
Frank: And as long as we're being honest, I did go to the employment office, but I didn't sign up. I just left. It was too humiliating.
Kevin: Oh, man, I'm sorry.
Frank: It's okay. And look, I understand what you're going through. I hated my dad too.
Kevin: I don't hate you.
Frank: Well, I hated my dad.
Jimmy: (after throwing a black cat at Bill) Gotcha! Pussy for a pussy! News flash: fuck you!
Kevin: (to Bill) What kind of a dildo gets a job that starts at five in the morning?
Bill: (to Kevin) What kind of a dildo fucks his hand?
- Title Reference: Frank and Kevin coming up with lies for missing school and not filing at the unemployment office; Bill working a job that's not what it seems.
- Frank goes in depth about what his life was like, when he was at war.
- Bill learns that his new paper route is also a drug dealing business.
- Frank admits to hating his dad.
- Phineas loses his job at the circus for unethical treatment of elephants. In "Heavy Sledding", it was mentioned on the news, that an elephant had been euthanized. He also mentions he hits elephants with shovels. In "Are You Ready For The Summer?", he smacks an elephant in the scrotum with a shovel.
- Phineas is accompanied by a circus freak, that appears to be an African-American man with albinism. In "Night Shift", Frank's new boss, Smokey says he has an albino son, who joined the circus.
- Kevin moves out of his room and takes over the basement cellar.
- Frank lies to Sue about applying at the employment office. This comes back to bite him in the butt in "Fight Night", when the truth comes out in an argument.
- Frank complains about the show M*A*S*H, making war look like a joke.